I accidentally had phone sex last night
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
