I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
