it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
