i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You pole danced in your parka.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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