If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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