Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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