hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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