i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
