yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Randomize
