don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
