I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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