I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
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