saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
