It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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