the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
