I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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