i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize