The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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