IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
