A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
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