In the future we'll all be gay
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
