There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
