Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
