you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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