just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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