so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
