they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
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