I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
