I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
