So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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