Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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