You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
