I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
