I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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