So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
