i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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