I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
