Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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