I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
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