Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
