I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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