I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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