Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
