I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Randomize
