i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
