I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
