just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
