I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
