theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
