cat food counts as protein by the way
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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