My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
