and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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