If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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