I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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