you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
