i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
