life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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