hotel room ftw
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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