I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize