is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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