I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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