gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
