I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
