you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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