she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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