party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
