Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
