You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
