You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
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She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
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Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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