i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
