i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Randomize
