why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
