she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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