Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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