then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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