HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just gift wrapped bread.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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